Don’t ‘Should’
It’s funny how when I finally get up the initiative to write something, the first blotch of digital ink I spill comes off pretty negative. Let’s just say that the holidays kind of get me down. Not really because I don’t like them, I generally do; I just don’t like them for the same reasons that most people do.
I prefer my holidays without the usual pressures to to keep up with other’s expectations.
I’ve lived by one philosophy during my adult life, and that’s that I don’t think anyone needs to “should.” What I mean is that no one should (there’s that word) do anything because it’s expected of them. Things are a lot more fun and fulfilling when you do them because you WANT to, not because you feel obligated to. As you might guess, there’s not a lot of room in that philosophy for the holiday activities that have become stand-up comedy fodder. Things like dealing with family gatherings that turn into shout-fests, buying enough gifts to put yourself in debt until your kids graduate college, and driving 6 hours for 3 hours with family members you only sort of know obviously aren’t really things that fall within my philosophy.
I live in the real world, so I know that this philosophy is unrealistic for all but the most reclusive people. Taxes have to be paid, yards need to be raked, and family members need to be placated. I mention this philosophy only as an encouragement for you to give it a try the next time you’re presented with a choice between suffering through whatever hell someone else expects you to for their own enjoyment and doing something that YOU prefer to do.
Let me know how it turns out for you in the comments!
December 27th, 2007 at 11:55 pm
I suppose the specific emotions one materially presupposes upon the expression “should do” solely depends on that individual’s existentialist understanding of self and environment, spirituality, and virtue. Philosophically speaking, if we simply haven’t thought about what we really mean when we communicate with others, we’ve really done a disservice to our listeners. That being said, it seems that, to a thoughtful person, the ideas of “should do” and “want to do” can certainly coexist, in an environment where the existentialist issues stated above have been extensively contemplated. If one feels a sense of responsibility to be virtuous and true in an environment where he’s dealing also with others and his physical surroundings, then it seems this person will likely be more drawn to “should do”–not in the crude sense, necessarily, that that’s what he’s expected to do–but because he’s compelled to do the right thing because, for lack of any other reason, he wants to.
December 28th, 2007 at 8:06 pm
I agree completely, and you definitely put it more accurately than I did. I like to boil things down, so while I meant everything you said, what I wrote was “Don’t Should.”
The key here is to think about what you’re saying and MEAN it when you say something (unless it’s obvious that you’re just messing around). That includes the commitments you make to other people. Of course I’m not suggesting you be a dick to people; there’s certainly room for tact and consideration of others’ feelings in this philosophy. I just want people to generally give more thought to EVERY aspect of their lives, and thinking about why they do what they do is just another area to think about.
January 2nd, 2008 at 5:56 pm
Yhea…I call it a “Declaration of one’s Independence.” I’ve been practicing it for the last several years. Not doing things out of obligation, I love the concept. Time is going going gone and you can’t get it back, so spend it how you want to is my thinking.